“Girls Compete With Each Other. While Women Empower One Another”

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I came up with #WomenSquadUp when I was trying to think of what women needed…and what  I needed most importantly. When thinking of Women Squad Up, I wanted the name to mention the purpose: Women who Squad Up to tackle the issues we deal with in society- those discussed and not; Woman who have a safe place to talk to those who have been through similar situations.

I wish when I was younger and finding myself there was a platform to help me do so. As I got older and begin to converse with woman of different races, ages and backgrounds, I came up with a conclusion: WE ALL NEED EACH OTHER AND WE ARE ALL GOING THROUH SOMETHING THE OTHER HAS.

This will be a platform for ALL women to come and share their testimonies, questions, and laughs. Topics to be discussed : Domestic Abuse, Single Parents, Marriage, dealing with women and men in the workforce, independence vs dependent, and many other topics. This will not just be a place for discussion, but traveling as well- just imagine meeting a group of women out of this journey who you call lifetime friends of support.

To hear from a different perspective is empowering and humbling. Not all advice or topics will pertain to your situation, but come open minded and ready to explore all possiblies.

I can do this alone-but I dont want to.

As women we contain a power that needs to be released-we create life imagine what we can do together.

XOXO

-R

 

 

 

He Chose us, We didn’t Choose Him

“You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.”     -John 15:16

As he lay under the beating sun, blood dripping from his hands and feet where the nails had pierced the skin and hugged the boards where his body lay. Exhausted. Drained. Feeling the hatred radiate off those in the crowd, whom were the reason he was within his final hours. Yet he chose us.

For a minute, vicariously, imagine what it was like to look down on the crowd of supporters and haters who you were dying for the greater good for. To see the hurt, the pain, and love in your follower’s eyes, but to look over at the Pharisees and see victory glisten in theirs.

 Yet. You. Chose. Them. Yet. You. Chose. Us. All.

Unconditional Love at it’s finest.

“Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will…” (Ephesians 1:4-5 NKJV).

I cannot begin to imagine or fathom what Jesus went through right before he died, but we get an idea in Matthew 26 when Jesus ask God, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will”— (Matthew 26:39). A little later, Jesus prays, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done” (Matthew 26:42). The “cup” he mentions is the cup of suffering; a “cup” that held of our sins.

Jesus was perfect yet he was still human, we read he went through the normal emotions as us all.  Those passages above reveal just what Jesus was thinking before he drank the “Cup of Suffering”. He knew the Will of God had to be done, and there was only one way to make it happen.

Our Savior was “fully human in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God” (Hebrews 2:17). He had come “to seek and to save the lost” (Luke 19:10).

We sometimes forget just who Jesus was. The Son of God. Yes. but we forget to correlate the fact that he was also human. A human man who loved us so much that he drank the cup of suffering so that we may have the option everlasting life. Every. Single. Person. He did not say, “I’m dying for these particular people…”.

Jesus continually shows us he chose us and still chooses us every day by his overflowing cups of mercy, of favor, and of unconditional love.

Our debt is paid ten times over.

We are not the choosers, we are the chosen so that we may spend eternity in heaven with out Father.

XOXO

-R

 

 

 

From Abuse To Bravery

Let me start off by saying I am not innocent what so ever. I did some “off putting” things to this man not physically but verbally and maybe even mentally.

I should have listen to that rattle…

I was 20 when I met you. It was a warm summer day; June 2013, sun smiling down just enough to cause my skin to glisten. I saw you. You saw me. Something deep inside rattled and said no. Maybe it was the fact that I was still living on my exes couch, whatever it was, I did not listen.

(60) days later and we were signing the lease to our new apartment. Rewind a month before that, you and I had gotten each other’s names tattooed. I was living in bliss and all warning signs were ignored and nullified. I didn’t realize how controlling you had always been. How demanding you was when it came to what you wanted to do.

One time you slapped me so hard I blacked out after seeing stars floating in my face. Still, I did not go.

Me, being a child who was discipline by getting yelled at, was not use to getting hit. You saw the look of disbelief on my face; I don’t remember what the argument was about, but I remember your apology followed by “I wont put my hands on you again”. Still, I did not leave.

We had been in our apartment for (6) months at this point and arguments, physical and verbal abuse became a normal day to day task…for the both of us. I get angry I throw something, I yell, you would meet my emotions and follow up, on a good day, with words of hatred, on a bad day, I knew I was calling out of work the next day.

 

***

We decided to come up with a “contract” We signed stating what we would not do to each other, and so on. And had promised we would be better to each other.

We had one year down together and  had moved into our new apartment and slowly, I thought I had begun to see the light at the end of the tunnel.I told myself,  You came from a great family, which I loved. You met my parents who tolerated you, which was rare. I thought we had made it through the difficult times.

I dont know when. I dont know how. All I know is the abuse started to happen again. Left and right we were fighting. I had black eyes, busted lips, bruises, bite marks so deep where I needed stitches, you name it. I thought I was in love. I thought this was who God placed for me to love. I had hopes that this was a phase. Still, through all this, I did not leave.

“We accept the love we think we deserve”

I would cry to God asking why me. I remember taking some sleeping pills contemplating taking the whole bottle. I was living in the darkness that no one could see because I didn’t want them to.

I was scared of you but still I protected you. I fell on accident. Oh no, he wouldn’t dare put his hands on me. I even lost friends/family over you. I wouldn’t go to see my parents if I had any new scars. And I think you liked that and took advantage.

Long story short, the VERY last time you put your hands on me I went to my mom. She burst out crying and what stuck with me is her saying, “I dont want to have to get that call that I have to bury my daughter”.  To see how this not only affected me short and long term, it was stressing my mother out.

I took the necessary, way over due, steps and started a new life…without you.

***

Today:

I am free. I am happy. And I will NEVER put myself in that situation again. It took sometime to consider myself strong. For almost (3) years I was a punching bag. I had lost my voice. I felt like I was walking on egg shells when I got home.   I had lost myself and over the past year in a half, I am just now starting to find who I use to be and becoming who I want to be.

When I got into my next relationship, I was stuck where you and I had left off. I took everything out on him. Waiting…patiently for the hit across the face. It never came. In fact the opposite happened, he loved me more because he knew I was hurting.

All the walls: You taught me how to cut people off I loved , you taught me to hide my emotions and keep a poker face, you engrained submissiveness into me although it contradicted who I was. BUT He came in my life and tore every wall down you created by LOVE.

I am a fighter. I am brave. And this is my story. I relearned how to fight for myself. To not accept what is not right for me.

If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship or if you are in an abusive relationship call: 1800-799-7233

Help Find All the Lost Voices

XOXO

-R

 

Just Sproutin’ Through the Cracks

Soul Full babes,

Over the past (2) weeks, I have moved into a different position at my job, not by choice. Oh the joys of working for a contract…randomly, the government can terminate your position and stick you somewhere else they feel you are needed. Although, having a job is better than living in a cardboard box, it still has been quite frustrating.

No one likes mandatory change. But Change and adjusting are in correlation to one another.

With that being said,  I am experiencing being a wildflower. Grabbing this “change” by the whole, and claiming a victory in the end. Like I previously mentioned, you have to know beyond a doubt who you are and what you are capable of. (see post “Be a Wildflower”)

We put a mental blockage on ourselves when we speak or even THINK that we aren’t capable of something. You know the saying “Eyes bigger than our stomach” Same goes for  any inconvenience or problem we may face: what we see or what we hear begins to psych us out when in reality we can handle it. Simple as that.

I had to give myself a reality check. I throw tantrums, no I’m not kicking and screaming, but if you were to close your eyes you might not be able to tell the difference between your terrible two year old and me. If I don’t like something you WILL know it, and that doesn’t necessary mean I am right.

This goes to say, Had to tell myself to calm down, and know I will flourish in this position. I have been sulking since I found out I was getting transferred. I mentally already knew I wasn’t going to like it, and I wasn’t going to stay very long.

Don’t get me wrong. I am ALL for if you are uncomfortable, it being your motivation. But don’t confuse being uncomfortable and having a mental psych out. I hadn’t even started the position before I told myself I was uncomfortable.

See the thing about us ladies is we can have everything taken from us and we can still preserver. Just like the flower in the picture, in the oddest of places, where we didn’t see ourselves growing, we begin to sprout.

WHO RUN THE WORLD?

XOXO

R

Be A Wildflower

According to Wikipedia, a wildflower is “a flower that grows in the wild, meaning it was not intentionally seeded or planted.”

I am challenging you and myself included, to take the rest of this month to be a wildflower. Do not wait to emerge yourself where you want to be. If you have hung around me long enough you have heard me say more than once “Speak  your actions into existence”.  Do what you want to do TODAY. Do not wait on the opportunity because it does not wait for you. Create your own opportunity.

There is no such thing as a “Circumstance got in my way”. Be as open minded and wild as the flower you are. We have learned to adapt to any and every situation over the years; adaption is in our veins. Take your stance on your circumstance.

“Like wildflowers; You must allow yourself to grow in all the places people thought you never would.”-E.V

Life is all about growth otherwise it wouldn’t be called living. Living things grow; we are not meant to be stagnant. Recognize you have grown, Choose to grow where you are and plan to grow wherever you are going.

You can be beautiful wherever you are. Whenever you land, wherever you settle, know you belong. Know there was a missing piece before your beauty arrived. Where they didn’t know their light was dimmed until you came along; radiant.

XOXO

-R

 

 

 

HOW IS IT?

Sorry I have been MIA- I recently got a pup that has been taking most of my “free” time. Over the course of my break, I begin to think about some things. Before you continue reading just know this a rant post…continue reading at your own leisure.

How is it that men can ride and be loyal to their boys but cant ride for their kids as hard? This is your bloodline we are talking about.

How is it that we can spend money on the newest shoes but wait for a bus everyday?

How are we as a whole suppose to be ok with that?

How is it that woman can spend so much money on what they look like but not stimulate their brain? The most powerful part of us.

How is it that we can remember a song, every football player on our favorite team along with their plays, but tell ourselves school isn’t for us because we cant focus.

Where did we lose ourselves?

When did the materialist things of the world become more valuable that the core of what we were taught as children?

How is it that  we can pay athletes more money for our entertainment but can’t put enough money in the school system for our teachers to live off? I mean come on, besides you, those teachers are shaping your kids. The saying “You get what you pay for” goes a long way.

How is it that that I live on the “South Side” in D.C and I not once over the course of my (3) year stay see any programs reaching out to help the numerous on the corner.

Somewhere over the course of years, I have seen us diminishing. Moving away from the morals that defined our souls as  actually souls.

Where is the compassion that we once had for each other and ourselves?

WE ARE SO LOST AND WE DONT EVEN KNOW IT.

So what do we do?

We tap into our  morals to the core. We tap into the truth that we ignore or choose to be ignorant towards.

Find your truth in all the corruption. I guarantee you will have the same questions if not more.

Be your own guidance and stay true to you.

Romans 12:2 -“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Answer when your soul calls.

XOXO

R

STOP FALSIFYING YOUR NEEDS: They are the cherry not the ice cream

15f4e6230ddaea8ef417781b97307926.jpgI  can quote a copious amount of  songs (that I sing to) that has some verse along the lines of “I need you” or “I’m nothing without you”.

[Verse 1]
Need you for the old me
Need you for my sanity
Need you to remind me where I come from”
 -SZA: GARDEN

This is currently one of my favorite songs out there but I find myself asking, “Where is the strength that needs to radiate as a reflection of our self worth?”

According to Goggle Dictionary this is the definition of need
verb:
  1. require (something) because it is essential

Key word here is “essential”.

What is the reason for this dying desire to “need” someone? Are they your food, water, or money? Alright then. Will your body shut down if they all of a sudden walked away? They aren’t needed; they’re not a vital component in your life.

Stop attaching the word need to individuals in your life especially the temporary ones. You put this thought subconsciously in your head that you are nothing without them.

THEY ARE A WANT.

A person being added to your life should be nothing but that..AN ADDITION. The only person on this earth who should make you whole is you. They should be the cheery on top of your ice cream.

We listen to these songs and hear how in order to show  unconditional love for someone we must throw in the words “need” “nothing without” “my world”. STOP IT.

And if you’re on the other aspects of this, being told you’re needed- Stop the him/her right there and let them know, you want to be the addition to their life. (Explain why. I do not need any crazy gfs or bfs coming for me) ha

You say something long enough you start to believe it. Yield to yourself when you feel those “desire need” words. I know I know. Its hard when you’re all in the groove and feeling good with your significant other. Those thoughts starts to come up and you blurt them out but they’re false. They’re not even a little right.

For example: How many times have you told someone you needed them? Then yall broke up. How are you doing? Livin’ right? BOOM! Point exactly.

FIND YOUR WHOLE BEFORE FINDING YOUR EXTRA

How many of us can openly admit to jumping into a relationship not fully whole? It happens more often and more naturally than you think. Most even think they’re whole when they aren’t. Personally I think this is an advocate for why we are so quick to use those endearing but falsified words.

We must first find out what makes us whole so that there is no one that would make you feel like they are a need.

That way, if a person decides to walk away its like taking the cherry off the ice cream but still having your dessert. You’re upset because you wanted that cherry but you still have you ice cream.

Keep em’ extra.

XOXO

-R

 

 

Today is Today.

relaxing.jpg

“Today is Today”:  one of my favorite mantras for myself.

We get so caught up in the fast life. Thinking a week ahead, planning for the next big event in life or worrying about the next day and what it brings” Don’t get me wrong, I am all for planning (see post about the P6) however there are times when the planning gets stressful and I find myself with anxiety. That’s when my mantra comes into play.

How can I worry about tomorrow when I am living just for today? Not to sound gruesome or be a “Debbie Downer” but you and I do not know if we will be here tomorrow.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow  has enough worry in itself…” Matthew 6:34

DO IT

What do you see today? No seriously, go open your door/look out the window and what do you see? Look at all the beauty that has been placed before your eyes; go sniff a flower. Go for a walk and enjoy the scenery. Bathe yourself in yours and the worlds beauty.

Put your right hand over your heart. You feel that? Its purpose. Its destiny. I am a firm believer of living every single day to the fullest. When most hear this, they conjure up this idea of “living on the edge”. If you haven’t already got an idea of who I am, just know I do not live life on the edge. (I just giggled to myself cause it’s too true)

I am talking about taking in the beauty that each and every one of us are given every morning we open our eyes and take a breathe. Do not allow yourself to stress about the “what could be”, “what would have been or what will be” Focus on the here and now because that’s all that we have.

Let it go. Don’t stress about it. Take a breather.

“Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one” -Unknown Author

Over the next few weeks work on taking in the beauty that is given to you. Like I said previously, tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone.

Remember: Tomorrow will turn into Today.

Today is today. Not tomorrow and certainly not yesterday. The Choice is yours.

XOXO

-R

 

 

P6

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I like to live by something I grew up hearing my parents use, quite often with me might I add, known as, “The 6 Ps”.

Proper. Planning. Prevents. Piss. Poor. Performance.

ahh the wonderful saying of them all. What it says is exactly what it means. If you plan ahead, you leave little room for mistakes. Easy enough right but hard to grasp for quite a few of us.

It took me years to get this through my “thick skull”.

It takes little to no time to sit down on a Sunday and plan out the upcoming weeks. Doing this gives you more time and pays off in the end.

MISHAP HAPPENS

 There is no going around it. You cannot run away or ever plan enough for “Life” but you can be as prepared as possible.

Murphy’s Law states, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong”.

So don’t think this post is to help you prepare for everything that is coming your way because if that’s what you’re looking for you are SOL. This post does however inform you to take a little time to plan for the events NOT STRESS about them.

It’ll save you time in the long run, ease the anxiety that comes with procrastination, and most of all cause little to no room for mistakes to happen on your part.

Keep the 6 Ps in your back pocket.

XOXO

-R

 

Building Your Dream Home

Concept Of Communication

Build your relationship like a house. Layer upon layer. Step by step.

When putting in the works of a relationship think of a house. You start off with the platform, the dirt, the ground laying. (the not-so-fun part) You don’t just wish for a house and it happens. It takes work, time, patience, and most of all loyalty and commitment.

As woman we like to gossip, we like to vent and call our girls up with the latest “chaos” we are going through with our boyfriends or whatever in the matter. There is nothing wrong with that but there is a such thing as “too  much” sauce.

Picture this: You have decided to build a house. You have your layout, plan, and now its time to start building. You do not go around telling your opponents what bricks you’re using, how you’re laying them down, the granite for your countertops so on so on…You keep all that good stuff to yourself. I am saying all this to say that if a person knows how you build your house (relationship), then they know how to take it apart.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a SELECT few I call on in DESPERATE need. For your own good, reread that sentence. Key word is desperate. For every little speed bump in the road I don’t pick up the phone. My relationship is just that…MINE. This is something I have struggled with in the past. Airing out the dirty laundry in my relationship in hopes to get the best advice, to feel better, or simply just to hear another point of view. I had to stop myself because not everyone has the best intentions for you. And not every disagreement is an ending.

BUILD YOUR HOUSE IN PRIVATE

Every time you and your significant other have a little speed bump work through it. Communicate and TOGETHER get over the issue. No one will be able to help your relationship better than you and the other person in it.

I know, some of you will say “But I like talking to my girls, they make me feel better. I trust them“. Good. I’m glad. There is nothing wrong getting advice or venting  when you really need it. Have one or two good friends you can count on to not throw anything in your face but wish you well.

You know how they say what you put on the internet stays? WELL… that works for what you talk about as well.

It takes two committed individual’s to stick through a relationship. To build a house. Every time you get passed a speed bump that’s one more brick laid down. One more step to having your dream home.

You look at the couples who have been together 30+ years and yearn for that long time love. It wasn’t simple. They didn’t start off with a house. They started off with dirt and a plan just like everyone else.

I am not saying this will be easy. It wasn’t for me. I promise I am not a guru. Everything I talk about has taken time on my part, it didn’t come easy, but I needed to stay committed to it.

Keep your relationship yours. Hold it dear. Remember, you’re building your dream home. Make it count.

 

XOXO

-R